A seasonal challenge: can you find ‘The Worst Christmas Song Ever Written’?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s almost-nearly Christmas.

Here in the UK, it’s been nearly Christmas since the start of October. This is because the shops like to think that the public will buy more stuff when it’s on sale for longer. They are wrong to think this, and it is annoying. But because it’s currently mid-December, it no longer means that it’s nearly Christmas – it is now officially almost-nearly Christmas.

And now it’s almost-nearly Christmas, seasonal tunes are being played on the radio. And then played again. And again. And a few more times until Radio 4 becomes an almost-nearly viable alternative.

Cruise blog: A fiery dilemma.

Sailing on a cruise ship is a very safe way of travelling. Apart from an outbreak of a deadly virus or finding the vessel captained by a hot-headed, show-off Italian, there’s not much that can do anyone a great deal of harm.

True, the on-board entertainment – consisting mainly of tribute artists and bands playing cover versions – did my ears a whole lot of harm, but it wasn’t anywhere near fatal. It nearly was for the entertainment manager who organised this musical pap though, but I managed to calm down when I realised that it was nearly midnight pizza time.